Happy birthday, Sonam

01

Gangtok / one evening

The day I stopped checking the time.

I was so nervous before seeing you. Then I met you and somehow it just felt easy.

We arrived and started playing.

I had overthought everything before this. Then we started playing games, taking pictures, and being completely normal about none of it.

Saharsh and Sonam taking a wide selfie at the cafe with food and drinks on the table. — I had overthought everything before this.

Sonam holding up a sheet covered with marks from a paper game. — Then we started playing games.

Saharsh and Sonam leaning close together for a selfie. — And somehow it just felt easy.

Sonam seated at the restaurant table with her head resting on one hand. — A quieter moment in the middle of all of it.

Sonam covering part of her face with one hand while sitting at the table. — Pretending not to enjoy the camera.

Saharsh and Sonam close to the camera while Sonam makes a playful face. — Completely normal behavior.

We kept making the evening ours.

At some point we were playing games, drawing on each other, taking way too many pictures, and making the evening completely ours.

Sonam writing or drawing on paper at the restaurant table. — You taking the paper very seriously.

Sonam drawing at the table with papers and other items visible around her. — The table kept collecting evidence.

An arm with a temporary leaf-like drawing beside a phone reference while Saharsh looks on. — Drawing on paper was apparently not enough.

A close view of a temporary dark drawing on an arm above papers on the table. — One of the temporary masterpieces.

Saharsh and Sonam at the table with papers, drinks, and temporary drawings visible. — This is basically the whole evening in one picture.

Saharsh and Sonam together at the table later in the evening. — The table got messier. The evening got better.

We left evidence everywhere.

By the end, the table was a mess, our arms were covered, you had flowers, and I still wasn't ready for the day to be over.

Two forearms held together, each covered with temporary drawings. — The drawings washed off. I still remember the whole night.

Sonam smiling beside a temporary leaf-like drawing on her arm. — And another one.

Sonam seated indoors while holding a bouquet of flowers. — You and the flowers.

Sonam standing outside the restaurant while holding flowers. — And then it was somehow already time to leave.

02

From far away

The versions of you I get to know.

I like getting these little pieces of your life. You outside, you doing your own thing, and you being completely unserious.

Sonam turned sideways on a forest path beneath tall trees while wearing a backpack. — A little more of your world.

Sonam taking a mirror photograph inside a gym. — Even the gym updates made it in.

Sonam posing indoors with both hands making peace signs. — And this version too.

Sonam dressed in a light-colored outfit at an indoor event with flowers behind her. — And then there are the dressed-up pictures.

Sonam walking along a green forest path beside a dog. — The little pieces of your life I get to see.

Sonam sitting outdoors in the hills while reading a book. — You, a book, and the hills.

03

The nights after

Still here. Just on a screen.

Food, tiny celebrations, getting ready, random conversations, and sometimes just existing on the same screen.

Food and random conversations

Sonam on a video call while holding a bowl of food toward the camera. — Eating together, technically.EATING TOGETHER

Sonam on a video call with one hand in her hair during a conversation. — Random conversations that became part of the day.STILL HERE

Tiny celebrations

Sonam smiling while holding up a bottle during a video call. — Your side of the tiny celebration.RECEIVED

Saharsh raising a glass during a video call. — My side of the same idea.STILL HERE

Sonam smiling on a video call while holding a small glass. — Tiny celebrations.AFTER HOURS

Getting ready while I stayed there

Sonam arranging her hair during a video call. — Keeping each other company.STILL HERE

Sonam holding a section of her hair while getting ready during a video call. — More getting ready. I was still there.RECEIVED

And the calls that got sleepier

Sonam dressed in white during a video call. — Getting to be there, even from far away.AFTER HOURS

A close late-night video-call image of Sonam resting sideways. — The sleepy calls deserve their own evidence.STILL HERE

No context

We both know.

A piece of ice in a small blue holder. — No context. We both know.

For you

A birthday letter.

Happy birthday, Sonam.

I don't really know how to write this without making it sound like a speech, so I'm just going to say it normally.

I was very nervous before meeting you. I had overthought everything. What I would say, whether it would feel awkward, whether the easy conversations on calls would feel the same in person. Then I sat down with you and all of that disappeared. It was just easy.

We ate, played games, drew on each other's arms, clicked way too many pictures, and somehow hours passed without feeling like hours. I still look at those photos and remember the messy table, the paper, the drawings, you with the flowers, and me already not wanting the day to end.

And theennnn, calls with you became part of my normal day. Seeing what you were eating. Watching you get ready. Tiny celebrations through a screen. Random conversations. Sometimes doing absolutely nothing and still not wanting to hang up. Even that ice picture that requires no explanation.

I still think about the second time we were supposed to meet. Leaving early was the right thing to do, and I know that. But I hated that we lost that time. I wanted one more hour with you. Probably more, if I'm being honest.

You are sweet, caring, funny, and also a bully. Somehow all of those things fit together. You make me laugh. You make me feel calm. You make ordinary parts of my day better. I like who I am around you, and I like that talking to you never feels like I have to perform.

I don't know if a birthday website is the normal way to say this. It probably isn't. But I didn't want to hide it behind another joke either.

I love you.

I'm not saying it because I expect anything from you today. I just didn't want to keep it unsaid.

Happy birthday, Sonam. I hope today makes you feel even a little as loved as you make me feel.